Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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