My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
