i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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