i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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