he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
