it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
