So drunk, too bad you don't want this
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
