I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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