we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
