I think I died a long time ago.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
