dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
