none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
