This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
