3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think pants incapable of making pants work
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
