I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
