so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
