Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
