Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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