If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A+ Viking dick
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize