Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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