Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
