Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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