you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
