i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
