Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
