i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
