yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
