White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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