I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
