i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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