Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
