Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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