The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
