Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
