I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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