I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
