the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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