My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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