I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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