Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You are the jesus of drinking
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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