I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
try to milk me bitch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
