omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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