I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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