Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
