so that wasnt chicken after all
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
