oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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