Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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