hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
