she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize