Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
