Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
