I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
me + whiskey = a bad person
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