I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize