I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
