I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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