And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
