she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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