chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
this hospital has no fireball
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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