Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Congratulations! We have a period
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