It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
