Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
