Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
only you would photoshop your dick
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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