fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
