i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
