My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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