when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
