I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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