The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
