U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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