I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
