Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
