I've blown a few things in my day
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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